Vintage Redneck Riviera Reports

Monday, April 9, 2007

Redneck Riviera Report Vol.12-07

A good time was had by all at the HLR. It was cowboys and Indians at the rodeo.

There were plenty of refreshments and food served in copious quantities.

ZZ Top put on as good a show as you would want to watch.

They even did a tribute to Johnny Cash with “Ring of Fire”

At the end of the show there were lots of fireworks and they drove off in a convertible.

The "WhoDaMan" is back from Houston and reports that large amounts of fish have returned in my absence.

Hookers----means something different on the Redneck Riviera

That is all we know at this time.... this is your "WhoDaMan" reporter on the Redneck Riviera bringing you another almost live...with an auto balanced and resized digital color report.
Hawaiian shirts are everyday attire on the Redneck Riviera.
Become a Member Of:
The White Shrimper Boot Club
The Redneck Riviera a drinking community with a serious fishing problem

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Redneck Riviera Report Vol.14-07

It is not all fishing here on the Redneck Riviera. Here is a report on a gun that I helped develop since I have been here on the Riviera.

Features:
49 3/8” match grade fluted barrel
Heavy duty oyster-shell muzzle brake
Detachable box magazine
Available in 14.5mm or 20mm calibers
Unatanium firing pin
At least a 3 mile range
Optional weights and configurations
Huge amounts of fun
Pretty low recoil

Tony Shootsalot, who also took part in designing the Dovebuster combat shotgun, helped me designed this rifle. Initial development was under the Shootemup name, and later the Masterblaster Division of the RRGBFG Group, a major Redneck Riviera arms manufacturer, purchased all rights for this design. In 2007 the Redneck Riviera National Defense Forces adopted this weapon and began to purchase it in some numbers. It is also offered for limited export sales. Anti-hog work is by no means a primary task for this huge rifle. It is designed to take the place of cruse missiles in some cases.

Well it is almost Easter and all the members of the Redneck Riviera Easter Egg Bikini Wearers Association or RREABWA for short are getting their lawns ready for the annual RREABWA Gala.

I must say their costumes are really colorful. The gals have really gone all out this year.

With a 3-day weekend I hope to have a fish report for yall next week.

That is all we know at this time.... this is your "WhoDaMan" reporter on the Redneck Riviera bringing you another almost live...with an auto balanced and resized digital color report.
Hawaiian shirts are everyday attire on the Redneck Riviera.
Become a Member Of:
The White Shrimper Boot Club
The Redneck Riviera a drinking community with a serious fishing problem

Redneck Riviera Report Vol.15-07

http://en.rian.ru/world/20070403/62999935.html

Belgium to impose tax on barbequing to fight global warming
12:27

03/ 04/ 2007

BRUSSELS, April 3 (RIA Novosti) - The government of Belgium's French-speaking region of Wallonia, which has a population of about 4 million, has approved a tax on barbequing, local media reported.
Experts said that between 50 and 100 grams of CO2, a so-called greenhouse gas, is emitted during barbequing. Beginning June 2007, residents of Wallonia will have to pay 20 euros for a grilling session.
The local authorities plan to monitor compliance with the new tax legislation from helicopters, whose thermal sensors will detect burning grills.
Scientists believe CO2 emissions are a major cause of global warming.

The Redneck Riviera BBQ'rs or RRBBQ'RS for short are calling Bullsh*t and are rallying to help the poor BASTARDO'S OF BELGIUM. The BBQ fires have been lit.

We will rally and BBQ everything we can get a hold of including road kill if necessary and send it to the masses. It might mean deforesting the old growth mesquites but we will do what is necessary to help the oppressed in Belgium. Boat captains and crews are ready to transport the BBQ into Belgium as the first round of brisket has just been completed.

We will update you as soon as any new developments occur.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Redneck Riviera Report Vol.13-07

New products are being researched here on the Redneck Riviera that will change the way some people are fishing. Everyone has heard of the Boga Grip…kind of wimpy don’t you think…yea so did we…

Well here on the Riviera we have come up with what we are calling the “Redneck Riviera Mongo Grip”

This device slides down your line till it goes over the head of the fish you have caught and gives it a paralyzing claw grab that is similar to the grip of an eagle on steroids. A braided rope attaches from the “RRMG” to your waist so that you will become one with your catch. The fish can then be easily put on the stringer without any worry of it escaping.

Here are some more new products to choose from….

Fish Oil Dispensing System
This fish oil dispensing system comes complete with a refillable quart bottle of Menhaden oil, a hanger for backpack wade fisherman or kayaker, metering valve, and hose. An I.V. style drip bag ideal for dispensing menhaden oil to produce a controlled slick. No more looking for the slicks, you will become one.

3rd Bar Chum Bag
Makes an ideal chum dispenser, durable, washable vinyl construction. Just add your old bait or fish parts. It will strap right to your waist to bring the big ones in really close so you don’t have to wade out to the 3rd bar anymore.

And now for a public service announcement…. There have been reports of coyotes at the beach since spring break. Lots of burgers and fries have brought out the coyotes and something had to be done. I was asked to set snares on the beach to get rid of some of the vermin…the only problem is sometimes they are catching beach goers. If you do get caught in one of the snares just stay calm like this young lady is doing…otherwise you might in up with one heck of a wedge-e.

This is what can happen if you struggle in the snare. This one had to be surgically removed.

There are still lots of Spanish macs so come on down and get yourself a mess of them.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Redneck Riviera Report Vol.10-07

Once again the TP&W found out there was another imbalance in the eco system. Bunches of Spanish Mackerel were found swarming the Packery Jetties. They call me Thursday night and asked if I could help out again. They told me this time I could use a net if I wanted. I called the Greater Redneck Riviera Seine’rs Society or GRRSS for short and would get them to tie up some gillnet. They told me that we were up to their waist in volleyball net because of spring break and could not help out this time either.

I called all the usual folks from down here that help out and everyone had something going on and could not help…. not the problem I have taken on herds of corn eating swine and flocks of both dove and duck so I wasn’t afraid of a few hundred mackerel. Friday I would be out there doing what I could.

One lone drum got in the way and I got him out of there also.
Toothy critters aren’t usually a problem if you are properly prepared….and this time I was. It has been awhile since I did battle with the Spanish bastardo’s and forgot how bad assed a set of teeth they had.

Friday night I got call from Robert and said he could help if I still needed some and I said sure. We got down there and checked the water and boy did it look fine. Blue water was all the way to the beach. Hardly a ripple anywhere.

We picked up where I left off Friday and hammered them again.

Robert got to see what jack fishing is all about also.

I ended up filleting it and we will use it to catch a Mongo Sized Shark or MSS for short later.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Redneck Riviera Report Vol. 9-07

Caution out there yall. The WhoDaMan’s image has been used on products that I have not endorsed. Here is a prime example of a product that claims to be stronger than is possible.

This product did not keep me from catching fish at the river or downtown as you could tell by the last report. It did however cause cattle to stampede and horses to buck uncontrollably. Another thing that my likeness showed up on was inspirational posters.

I agree over the years some folks have noticed and pointed out to me that I did resemble a caveman once or twice in my life. However you can tell it has been years since I was this thin so it cannot be me on this poster. I am proud to announce that Texas A&M Corpus Christi has been working with me on a sunburn relief product. Here is a before and after example of how well the product works. You can see that this person has gotten a really bad sunburn.

After the sunburn relief product has been poured on the burned area relief is instantaneous.

And you can apply it to yourself which makes it nice in case no one is around to help.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Redneck Riviera Report Vol. 8-07

My son called midweek and asked if he and his old boss could come down to try their hand at catching some Redneck Riviera fish…I said sure. The got down Friday and we went for a downtown special. After boating some whiting and sand trout we quickly ran out of live shrimp…I told the son to put a gulp on and try that on the clicking leader I built. One cast and three clicks later he hung a red/black drum hybrid that was probably a world record.

I know it is hard for those of you that know the son and I but I talked him into releasing this one….

I told him we would come back and catch a couple of hundred of its offspring. That night I got a call from the Texas Parks and Wildlife informing me that the shad survey they had taken that day showed that there were not enough shad to support the white bass population. I told them I would call the Greater Redneck Riviera Seine’rs Society or GRRSS for short and get them to tie up some gillnet. The have been keeping in practice making hammocks.

They told me it would take a court order for that and they didn’t have time and asked if I could do it with a rod and reel catching mostly males with large male genital glands to cut back on the spawn. I told them I though it was just wrong targeting them. They pointer out that I founded the Brazos Bottom Big Ball Boar Brotherhood or BBBBBB for short and I couldn’t argue that (see the website www.etoepfer.texfly.com and check out some of the hogs harvested). I said WhoDaMan and SonOfDaMan were ready to help out anyway we could. They promised that they would keep the wardens off that stretch of the river… The next morning we went up the Nueces and brought the sons boss along. Several locals were there catching whites as they went up the small streams just grabbing them with their hands.

Others would just hit them with sticks in the shallows.

The first day we kept all that we had room for....

Going back after the front came through we caught a few more.

The river was kind of small and rocket sled boat…but we needed the big boat to hold all the fish.

Remember to bring someone fishing that doesn't know how to fish and you can catch their limit too. Don't know what we will be doing this weekend down here but we will probably catch more than yall once again.